Umm I'm too high to move.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
