Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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