Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My cat gives me a boner
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
