Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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