Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
