1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
