were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
