Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
