I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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