my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
