uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
