she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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