I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
