maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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