it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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