Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
