I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
