I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
