i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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