I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
