At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
