white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
