also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
