I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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