I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
