I feel great
I just peed on a car
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
