and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
