i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Sober January is a disaster.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
