I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
