One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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