Got a toothbrush?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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