If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You ruined the universe
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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