i barfeds in our rink
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
