forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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