WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
