Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
