Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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