No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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