I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
