Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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