Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
