Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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