He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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