I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
