This girl is more easily done than said...
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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