Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
