I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
