He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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