Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
