I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
this just has baby written all over it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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