Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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