It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
