I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
