Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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