Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
